Leading from within

Leading from within: How rural women can back themselves in the face of uncertainty

When we make decisions for our businesses, we don’t always know if the decision we’ve made is the right one. Sometimes not until much later, and sometimes not at all. And in the meantime, the weight of that decision can sit heavily. Especially if you’re on the land, juggling family, community, and your farming business without a team of people around you to bounce ideas off. In these rural contexts, leadership can be lonely. And even when shared with a partner, decision-making often happens in our own heads. It’s no wonder so many women second-guess themselves.

The team at AWDT recently sat down with Gita Jayaram, designer and facilitator of our Power Up programme to talk about what women can do when they have to make decisions in isolation. With decades of experience in leadership development and training, Gita shared her wisdom on what happens when we’re forced to make decisions alone, and how we can back ourselves in that process.

Decision-making in isolation

In Gita’s experience, she has learned this: self-doubt is not a personal flaw, it’s often a signal. A prompt to look inward, understand the frameworks we operate within, and meet ourselves with compassion, not criticism.  And let’s start with the reality: decision-making in farming often happens without certainty (as indeed it does in most businesses). You make decisions all the time, and some of them large such as investing in equipment, shifting your farming systems, or restructuring your finances, without always knowing how they will pan out. That uncertainty can lead to endless doubt.

It’s not just the decision that’s complex – we are also complex. As women, we carry with us layers of expectation, programming, and social conditioning. Whether it’s worrying about taking up too much space, spending too much money, how we are impacting our children, or making the wrong call – our thoughts are often shaped by what we were taught to value, fear, or defer to.

Peeling back the layers of ourselves

Gita offers a powerful yet simple tool, which she teaches in her workshops, and practices in her own life. It comes from a TQM model called ‘Inch-wide, mile deep’. You start with a thought or reaction, for example: I don’t feel certain about this decision’, and you ask yourself ‘why?’ up to five times. Let’s say you’re purchasing a piece of farm equipment and feel uneasy about your decision. Your questions might go something like this:

Q: Why do I feel uneasy?
A: Because I’m not sure this was the right choice

Q: Why am I unsure?

A: Because I don’t usually make these calls – my partner usually does

Q: Why does that matter?
A: Because if I am wrong, I will feel responsible

Q: Why is that so hard to sit with?
A: Because I will have failed.

Now we are getting closer to the core. In this example, it’s not so much about uncertainty around the purchase, it’s a fear of failure. Fear of solely being accountable or getting it wrong. This kind of insight is crucial, because once you reach the real ‘why’, you’re in a much better place to respond consciously, not reactively.

But that’s only half the process.

From this point of insight and realisation, Gita encourages us to zoom out.  Once you’ve gone deep into your own thinking, it’s time to widen the lens. Why? Because our default perspective is often too narrow. When we’re overwhelmed, we tend to focus on the immediate risks – the potential fallout, the self-doubt, the judgment. But when we zoom out, we remember the bigger picture: who we are, what we stand for, and what truly matters in the long run.

Ask yourself:

1. What values do I want to live by?
2. How do I want to be seen by others, by myself
3. What would future me be proud of?
4. What would I say about this decision when I look back 20-years from now?

Zooming out gives us context. It shifts us from fear-based thinking into values-based action. It creates room for compassion, rather than perfection. And it reconnects us to the version of ourselves that is grounded, capable, and wise, even if uncertain.

This process also isn’t about blame (and if you’re stuck in a blame spiral then there’s probably more “whys” to uncover). Nor is it about dredging up the past. It’s about developing deeper self-awareness so that your decisions come from a place of clarity and care, not pressure or programming.

And most importantly, it’s a reminder that if no-one is coming to back you, you can still back yourself.

What if I still don’t know what to do?

Sometimes, even when we have done all the work, peeled back the layers and reflected, we still get stuck.

If that’s you, you may need to zoom out further. Ask yourself what matters the most in the long run. What you wish you had done, said, or honoured when you’re looking back from your later years. This kind of long-lens helps us bring compassion into decision-making. It quiets the inner critic and reminds us that growth often happens outside of certainty. Sometimes you just have to make the call, then live it, learn from it, and keep going.

Why self-compassion matters more than confidence

We talk a lot about confidence. And while important, it is self-compassion that creates resilience.

Dr Kristin Neff’s TED talk, The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion is one Gita often returns to. She explains that self-compassion isn’t just about being kind to ourselves when we fail, it’s about being mindful, present, and connected to our shared humanity. It reminds us we’re not alone, even when we feel alone. That’s powerful, especially for women leading in isolated environments.

In AWDT’s Power Up programme that Gita facilitates, this concept is foundational. Gita explores not only practical skills like assertiveness and feedback, but also the unconscious frameworks we have inherited, the ‘why’ behind the way we think. That’s the key to creating inner clarity and external influence.

Mana, leadership, and knowing ourselves

Another TED talk Gita highly recommends is by Tame Iti, renowned Māori activist and artist. His kōrero on mana redefines leadership not as control or authority, but as self-awareness and respect – for self, for others, and for the land.

For wāhine working the land, this is especially meaningful. Many are living and working on land that has complex histories. As stewards of that land, understanding mana, and embodying it, is about showing up with integrity, humility and care. Not just for the business, but for the bigger picture. For what we inherit and leave behind.

Gita says that ‘small actions build powerful cultures’. Just like relationships thrive on everyday trivia (like asking what someone is having for dinner), organisations and families are shaped by micro-moments. Trusting your voice enough to use it, calling someone out if needed, and checking in with your gut before you say ‘yes’ – that’s mana. That’s leadership.

This isn’t theory – it’s practice

Gita stresses that this concept of inner reflection isn’t here to add to your to-do list. And it’s not another self-improvement plan you’ll never have time to start. It’s an invitation to pause, reflect, and consider the idea that you already have what you need.

Self-compassion is a tool. It’s the part of you that says ‘yes, I messed up’, or ‘yes, I’m worthy’. It’s also the part of you that let’s go of needing to be right, and embraces being real. When rural women are real with themselves, when they know and trust their own voice, they become unstoppable. Not just for their families or farms, but for their communities and generations to come. Because sometimes a single sentence at the right moment, can shift everything.

If you’re ready to step back, connect with others, and invest in how you lead on farm, in your community, or in your workplace, then come along to Power Up on 20^th August in Wellington and hear from Gita. It might be just what you need. Find out more.